Two days before my firstborn's full month celebration, something terrible happened.
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The baby was crying and it was time to nurse him again. I brought him to the room and sat on the couch.
Just before I unclasped my bra to nurse him, I decided to switch on the fan because it was really stuffy in the room. I placed the baby on the pillow beside me, one arm protectively blocking him, the other arm reaching for the fan switch without lifting my bum off the couch. (An absolutely stupid move in retrospect.) Then "BOOM" and the most dreaded sound -- "waaaahhhhhh"
The baby rolled off the pillow and fell onto the floor face down! HORRORS!!
My heart skipped two beats as I hurriedly picked up my baby from the floor.
He was wailing and so was I.
There was slight redness on his forehead and I was trembling as I apologized profusely to my frightened baby, cuddling him close to my chest.
I was probably even more distraught than him.
"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry..." I willed my apologies to remove any pain or injury from my precious infant.
Then I started to pray repeatedly, "O Lord, please don't let any harm come to my baby".
The next best thing to do after prayer? I shoved my nipple into my baby's mouth.
Thankfully, he started sucking and stopped crying. He calmed down soon after he nursed and peacefully fell asleep but I was still shaking.
What have I done?
I must be the worst mom in the world!
How could I have let that happen??
I called my husband to tell him what happened as he had just ended work and was on the way home.
I braced myself to face my husband's anger for having hurt his firstborn, but he was surprisingly calm and just told me not to worry, and that he would be home soon.
I started to Google about what to do when a baby suffered a fall and also read some forums where other mommies shared the terrifying experiences of their children falling and how terrible they felt.
I could hardly sleep that night and kept checking on my son even as he slept soundly.
We brought him to the pediatrician the next morning and she examined him and concluded that he was fine.
Thankfully, he had taken a hit on his forehead instead of the top or the back of his head, which were much softer.
Miraculously, there was no bruise or swelling and he was handsome as ever to greet our guests at the full month celebration. But I was most jittery and was even afraid to let others carry him.
The truth is that babies tend to fall when they are learning to roll over, stand up, cruise, and walk on their own. This is why we need to be absolutely careful in where and how we place them if unattended.
Even when there are adults around, sometimes things happen so quickly that we are not able to react in time.
I was absolutely ashamed that my carelessness resulted in my three-week-old baby falling onto the floor. I was afraid to tell anybody what happened. Only my husband and my parents knew about the incident because I was staying at their place.
Months later, I finally confessed to close friends about what had happened because it greatly burdened me and made me doubt my capabilities as a mother. Even then, I would tear up from guilt as I related the incident.
I'm very thankful that God had indeed protected my baby from harm. I have learned that babies are much tougher than they appear. But that doesn't mean we need to put them to the test.
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As mothers, we naturally try our best to take care of our children and protect them from harm. Yet sometimes, human errors may occur or accidents may take place, all of which are beyond our control.
In such circumstances, will you lean on God?
Allow Him to take control of the situation, for He is Sovereign.
I have learned that my children belong to God. He is the one who has lovingly created them and granted my womb the ability to nurture them
I have been entrusted the care of these precious young lives.
I just have to do my best, and He will take care of the rest.
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