The problem with having my parents play an active role in helping me care for my children is that sometimes it's hard for me to implement discipline or routines the way I want. Sad to say, there have been times when I was hurt by what my parents said regarding the way I managed my children. I felt intruded on, mistrusted, and my authority undermined. I can understand that they have good intentions, and at the end of the day, they still truly care for my children and me. Yet I can't deny that there are times I feel that because times have changed, methods and structures that they were used to are simply not suitable in the current situation.
During times when I had disagreements with my parents over my methods of teaching my child, I had to balance between putting across my opinions respectfully to them without hurting their feelings, yet still being firm and persistent in getting them to agree with my authority as the parent of my child, and hence having the autonomy to make the final decision. I have to admit it hasn't always been easy, especially as I had inherited my bad temper from my dad.
All my life I had been fearful and respectful of my dad, who was a strict, yet loving father. He has always been doting on me and very generous with his time and gifts for me. Yet when it comes to teaching my child, I'm very insistent in some particular ways and I was very cross when he tried to interfere. I sincerely feel that he ought to give me space and freedom to teach and guide my child in the way that I desire, even if I'm new at being a mother. I fully expect myself to make mistakes along the way as I figure out the best way to teach my child. But I believe it is my path to take and I certainly don't want to feel put down by others, especially my parents.
There is no doubt that I love my parents and deeply appreciate all that they have done for me and given to me. They have raised me the best way they knew how and provided for me. They have nurtured me in a loving and safe environment. I have grown to be confident in exploring the world, in expressing myself, and still, have the deep sense of assurance that there's always a loving and accepting home to return to. To have seeds of doubt about my ability to parent being planted by my parents' words, really shook me. I know it's definitely not their intention, but words can hurt even without the person meaning for them to do so.
To overcome that, I sought support and encouragement from my husband. I needed to reassure myself that I was fully capable of taking care of my child using the methods that I want, based on personal experience, observation, and learning from books. I also had to convince myself that there wasn't anything I needed to prove to my parents. It is not always easy to get them to see from my perspective. I have learned that there's really no need to attempt to change them or make them see my perspective so long as I know I'm doing my best and not harming my child in any way.
Don't let anybody get to your head. Not even your own parents. They can love you and your child and have raised you brilliantly. But we don't have to live in our parents' shadows. We certainly have our freedom to explore and set the parenting paths we want to take. Besides, what worked before might not work now for you and your child. Times are indeed very different.
Above all, there can still be love and respect even in the midst of disagreements. @mumpreneur264
In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. – Titus 2:7–8
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