One of the biggest lessons that I have learnt as a Mother is prayer. I've never felt so angry in my life before, so tired in my life before, so frustrated in my life before, so happy in my life before. I'm not exaggerating. It's indeed true that my emotions have been greatly amplified, both good and bad ones, ever since I had my first baby.
Being a Mother doesn't only require physical stamina -- frequent feeds at nights, getting up to rock the baby to sleep, carrying the baby that grows from 3kg to more than 10kg.
Being a Mother also requires a lot of emotional strength -- staying strong and calm even when your baby is in distress during a vaccination; when the child is inconsolable when he's running a fever; when the child is injured from a fall.
Being a Mother requires a LOT of wisdom -- countering your child's adorable but cheeky antics; modifying your parenting and discipline methods as your child grows; dealing with meltdowns in public in a rational manner even when you feel like you are close to losing your mind.
Being a Mother has brought out the best in me -- the willingness to sacrifice sleep and personal time; enduring pain and giving my entire heart to my baby.
Being a Mother has also brought out the worst in me -- losing my temper really easily, screaming and shouting at my child when he's throwing a tantrum.
Being a Mother has made me realise with crystalline clarity that I'm a flawed and sinful woman, so incapable of controlling my emotions and reactions, all the while needing to take good care of this vulnerable small being. This motherhood journey is so very Long, and I will never be able to pull through if not for Him.
I need God more than ever - His grace, His mercy, His strength, His wisdom. There are so many virtues that I would like my child to possess, which I know are essential life skills that will last him a lifetime. Yet so few are found in me that I can model for him. There are so many limitations to my physical, mental and emotional strength, that I find it impossible to go through day in and day out of childminding without feeling like giving up or running away sometimes.
So I pray. Unceasingly. And I renew my prayers daily. The most amazing thing is that our God, though the great Creator of all universe, is willing to hear our smallest requests and willing to impart to us His wisdom and strength so vital in a sustainable journey of motherhood. As Long as we ask of Him.
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. - James 1:5
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