My husband had to be away for the weekend, my in laws were travelling and my mum who helps me out a lot on a daily basis has been down with severe pains in her back and arm. So I was thrown into the lion's den, alone to fend for myself. It's been a long week for me on the homefront and it was just mentally draining to know that I had to mind the children on my own, instead of being able to catch a breather on a weekend.
Fortunately for me, a friend answered my distressed call, and agreed on a rather spontaneous playdate at her place. Yippee! Including travelling time, that would mean blocking off 3 hours of my time on the Saturday afternoon that I don't have to face my children alone. I used to think it was challenging taking care of my eldest son all by myself. Time always seemed to pass by so slowly. Several toys had to be changed, snacks had to be given, books read, and yet barely an hour passed. Boy, do I miss those days now!
Now, I would have to walk my daughter around the house, respond to my boys' calling out "Mummy, look! Mummy, this; Mummy, that" every other minute, prevent another fight from breaking out between the boys, get them snacks while carrying the littlest one, assist them to the washroom... Basically it's non-stop action.
Things get much easier when #3 takes her nap, and I have time to devote my attention to the boys. Yet sometimes I also crave for a few minutes of silence where I am not expected to respond to any child's request.
Don't get me wrong. I love my children with all my heart. And the truth is, if I don't take care of my children, who will? All other help, including those from the gramps, are actually bonuses because they very well could choose to enjoy their retirement years without having to endure laborious hours of minding the grandchildren. Yes, I am fully aware there's so much to be thankful for. But here I am, just in need of venting, not seeking a solution.
The thing about motherhood is, it's a marathon. Yet there are races every single day that need to be conquered. I have come to realise that how well I perform as a mother depends not on the skills that I possess, but my mental capacity. If I manage to regulate my own emotions, and make a conscious effort to keep my cool even when things get messy, the day will turn out much better than I could imagine.
The truth is, I didn't do very well today. I have psyched up myself to be a "SuperMom" but I failed. I lost my temper when my younger son peed in his pants right after I asked him if he needed the toilet, to which he said no. After a month of successful toilet training, and of all days, he had to wet his pants today and made a mess on the playmat, when I didn't have help. I lost my temper again when we were in the car and I gave the kids snacks to keep them occupied and my younger son made a mess of himself. It's embarrassing to admit how easily my anger is triggered, and I very often wonder if I am setting a good example in teaching my children how to manage their emotions. Well, one day down, another to go. May the Lord grant me more wisdom and patience. Amen.
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